looking back

I still can't believe that this beautiful face had...

this goofy little grin just a year ago...

and was this fragile and sick just 19 months ago.  

It all still feels like just yesterday... moreso 19 months ago than a year ago.  I look at that photo and can tell you EXACTLY what was going on. 

*I had just gotten to room 3 and Virginia had clothes on for the first time.  I took the photo to send to my Mom who had bought that "shirt,"  which was no bigger than a deck of cards.

*Anne, her nurse, was getting ready to set up a feeding.

*Virginia was clearly unhappy to be on her back.  She spent 90% of her days on her belly back then.  

*She had just started opening her eyes a week prior.

*She had just gotten back up to her birthweight and started gaining some weight.  To this day I still don't know how low she got and I don't wish to know.  

*We were anxiously awaiting some critical endocrinology reports that day as well as her 30 day head ultrasound results.  

*I was able to simultaneously worry over the medical issue of the day (or hour) and cringe at the unmatched linens in her bed.  

I look at the photo from a year ago and am comforted that I have no idea what was going on that day.  I don't remember taking that photo and looked at it for the first time when I went searching for a photo from exactly one year ago.  The irrelevancy of photo gives me joy because I realize that we had emerged from living life day to day (or hour to hour) and were able to find joy in just living.  We were cautious, knowing that there were many challenges ahead but finally able to appreciate where we were.