I can feel it.
The emotions are brewing.
It's the weather that always tips me off.
I entered the hospital on a day much like today. A chilly morning followed by a warm sunny afternoon. There was a crispness in the air yet the trees still had their leaves.
I hear these anniversaries get easier. While I am sure they will get easier, right now things still seem fresh. Yes, easier than last year but still fresh.
I dont think that I will ever forget the details surrounding late september and october of 2011, nor do I want to. It was those days that changed our lives forever. The difference is that this year its not just the memories of those scary days, weeks and months of 2011 but there are also some really wonderful memories of this time last year as we led up to her 1st birthday. Im reminded of Virginia learning to sit up and her first little teeth popping through. It was those things a year ago that got me through the anxieties and sadness from the year prior.
While the days leading up to Virginias birthday bring on a mix of emotions I still think of her actual birthday as a really joyous time. A time to be celebrated. It is afterall the day that we found out that we had a daughter, the birth of our first child, and the day we set eyes on our beautiful little girl for the first time.
These anniversaries are fast approaching... starting in just a few days. I simultaneously dread the late nights that remind me of hospital bed rest and so look forward to her 2nd birthday. However, it is days like today that remind me to celebrate how far we have all come. The same weather that brings me right back to the fall of 2011 also brings on some of the best days here in the northeast. Today we welcomed in fall with a morning family photo shoot followed by apple picking and fall fun at a local farm.
Afterall, apple cider donuts are good for the soul ;)
Isabella will be 13 this January and the anniversaries are still hard. It's really only my husband and I who share those dates anymore but they are there, for both Isabella and Lily. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you should feel any differently. They are terrible days that resulted in an upheaval of our lives that no one can ever understand unless they have experienced it. I'll tell you though Alyssa when you look in Ginny's eyes it makes it all okay and in a way that only Mom's like you and I will ever understand. I wish you peace in the days and weeks ahead.
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