the best part of my day

My computer is currently getting CPR at the Apple store, so its been quiet around here.  I have to say, its been nice to have one less internet device/power cord/distraction though.

We have been trudging through the week.  The anniversaries have started.  Fall has arrived.  Work has been busy.  Life has been busier.  However, all is good when we get home at the end of the day and have these precious moments outside before its time for the dinner/bath/bed scramble.

This is the best part of my day.  everyday.

anniversaries

I can feel it.

The emotions are brewing.

It's the weather that always tips me off.

I entered the hospital on a day much like today.  A chilly morning followed by a warm sunny afternoon.  There was a crispness in the air yet the trees still had their leaves.

I hear these anniversaries get easier.  While I am sure they will get easier,  right now things still seem fresh.  Yes, easier than last year but still fresh.

I dont think that I will ever forget the details surrounding late september and october of 2011, nor do I want to.  It was those days that changed our lives forever.   The difference is that this year its not just the memories of those scary days, weeks and months of 2011 but there are also some really wonderful memories of this time last year as we led up to her 1st birthday.  Im reminded of  Virginia learning to sit up  and her first little teeth popping through.  It was those things a year ago that got me through the anxieties and sadness from the year prior.

While the days leading up to Virginias birthday bring on a mix of emotions I still think of her actual birthday as a really joyous time.  A time to be celebrated.  It is afterall the day that we found out that we had a daughter, the birth of our first child, and the day we set eyes on our beautiful little girl for the first time.

These anniversaries are fast approaching... starting in just a few days.  I simultaneously dread the late nights that remind me of hospital bed rest and so look forward to her 2nd birthday.  However, it is days like today that remind me to celebrate how far we have all come.  The same weather that brings me right back to the fall of 2011 also brings on some of the best days here in the northeast.  Today we welcomed in fall with a morning family photo shoot followed by apple picking and fall fun at a local farm.  

Afterall, apple cider donuts are good for the soul ;)

Neonatal Nurses Day

I was planning to write a post today in honor of Neonatal Nurses Day but 2 extraordinary bloggers wrote posts this weekend that so profoundly and beautifully captured why neonatal nurses are so special.  Their words capture exactly how we feel about our amazing nurses from Yale New Haven Children's Hospital.

Heather from Team Hucks wrote this article for preemie babies 101 

and

Tatum at Aint no Rollercoaster wrote this post.

If you have spent time in a NICU you know how spot on perfect these two posts are.

If you have not spent time in a NICU, please take a moment to read these.  You will instantly understand why we call our nurses our heros.  You will understand just how we were able to leave Virginia's bedside to go home at night.

To our nurses:  Thank you is insufficient. You changed our lives.  You served as family, friends, and counselors during our 124 days and we are thankful for your continued friendship and support.  In our eyes you wear a cloak of superhero and a halo of an angel.  Much like Heather Hucks "I’ll never be able to think of my child’s life, without thinking of you."

what I always dreamed of

This.

This is what I always dreamed of.

gorgeously unkept rose garden.

aloof sweet spotted dog.

curious & beautiful little girl.

soul mate (not pictured).

What I now realize is what I dreamed of doesn't have to be perfection to be a dream come true.  I would do anything to take away the pain that this journey has caused Virginia and I will do anything to avoid her pain in the future, but this journey is what makes this image perfection to me.

Like the pebbles strewn across the slate path, our lives and bodies are not perfect but somehow it does not take away from the beauty of the moment.  Those pebbles, our struggles have not destroyed the dream, they have just made us more focused on the beauty.

Like the tilted flowers looking for the sun, we are still finding our way.  Looking for the best direction to help our girl blossom.  We must me flexible and willing to reach for that brightness.

It is always easier to see the beauty and relinquish the pain while we are in the moment.  

read more about why the garden is so special here. Virginia's own little secret garden.

day 1 of daycare

We all survived day one.  Virginia has cried just about every morning that I have left for work for the last 6 months, so it really was no surprise when she got a pouty lip and reached dove for me as I dropped her off this morning.  I made it short and got out fast feeling like the most cold hearted mother ever, but I know it was for the best (for both of us).  

I had a busy morning (also a good thing) and finally got a chance to call in the early afternoon.  I got that familiar pit in my stomach as I waited for someone to pick up.  Much like when calling the NICU I had no idea what kind of report I would get.  She was doing fine (obviously) and then it hit me... we are so damn lucky.  Yes, it sucks to leave my kid with virtual strangers all day, but been there done that.  Been there done that at a time where I wasn't sure if she would survive.  Been there done that at a time where I didn't know what her future would hold.  Been there done that when a day like today was unimaginable.  Been there done that for 124 days without getting to snuggle her and eat her up when we got home.  We are so damn lucky.  Its all relative friends.  

By the end of the day she was pretty strung out.  I did my best to be patient and follow her cues.  This is how the evening went... apparently she was hungry.  

a little down time

Virginia and I are enjoying a little R+R in Maryland this week.  Last week was our final week with our Nanny and Virginia does not start daycare until next Monday so we decided to take a week to regroup and prepare for avoid all of the upcoming change.  

Its really hard to believe that this photo was from our first day with Sarah and Lilah from last Summer.

And this is a photo from our last day with them last Thursday.  These little nuggets have grown so much and learned so much from eachother and Sarah has been the most nurturing and creative caregiver.  It was quite sad to see this chapter end, but we are so thankful for the great year that we had.

Our trip to Maryland hasn't all been R+R:

Virginia screamed the whole length of the New Jersey turnpike on our way down.

Every other word out of her mouth is "no".

She has dumped all of the water out of the dog bowls twice. 

She has refused naps.

She ran away from me at the mall, clearing the nordstrom shoe section along the way.  

But all that is forgotten when we play outside in jammies and have tea parties with miniature stuffed animals.  This gal is quite sassy and funny.