Our Little Virginia is a Big Sister

4 weeks ago today we joyfully welcomed Virginia's little brother into the world!  He arrived via a scheduled c-section at nearly full term.  Henry George was born on July 29th at 36 weeks 4 days weighing 6 pounds and 8 ounces and 19.25" long.

I am so thankful for a long, healthy and relatively boring pregnancy thanks to the TAC, lots of precautions, exceptional medical care, and lots of prayers.  I did not spend a single day on bedrest and did not make a single trip to labor and delivery until delivery day.  Still, it was not easy but it was so very much worth it.

Henry did spend his first day in the NICU for respiratory monitoring.  He really was only there long enough for us to see some of our favorite nurses and doctors.  It was disappointing to not hold him in the OR or bring him right up to our room, but we did our best to keep things in perspective and make the best of it.  There was a certain beautiful irony to introduce Virginia to her brother in the same place where she fought so tremendously hard for her life.  It was where we first became a family and where we became a family of 4.

We are adjusting well to life with Henry.  We have learned that there are still some extra challenges with late term preemies but really those things just mean we are more tired (yawn) and are so so minor in relation to the tumultuous first month with Virginia.  Breastfeeding troubles, sleepyness, weight gain, and wonky newborn screenings are the norm for babies born even a few weeks early. We are working through each of these things while getting to know our little guy and adjusting to life at home with 2 kids.  Thankfully my Mom has living with us and helping with toddler entertainment, cooking, cleaning, baby rocking, and diaper changing.  

Virginia absolutely adores her little brother and wants to help with everything!  She is such a proud big sister and takes her role very seriously :)  

We constantly are catching new Virginia-isms - "look at our cuddly little guy"  "he's so cuuuuuuuute" "shh shh shh its ok buddy"

Henry has made our hearts so full and really is just the sweetest little guy.

approaching three

Virginia will be three on Wednesday.  THREE.  let me say that again, T.H.R.E.E. years old.  How in the world did that happen?! 

She is old enough to understand that it is her birthday and she is so so so excited about it.  That alone makes this time, which used to be tinged by much bitterness and pain, so joyous and exciting.  

Her celebrations started on Saturday the 18th with a party that included 12 of her 2-3 year old friends and their parents and continued last night with a trip to the NICU to visit her night nurse and deliver some gifts for the babies currently fighting their battle.  We continued today with a little celebration at preschool and we will finish up on Wednesday with just the 3 of us.. just as it all started.  

What was not lost on me was irony that we started this string of celebrations exactly 3 years from the time that I went from "stable bedrest" on maternal special care to "imminent delivery" on labor and delivery.  Those days are a complete blur thanks to 5 days of magnesium but with brief moments of such clarity.  Moments that I will never forget.  

Those 5 days were physically very difficult, but that paled in comparison to the mental anguish.  In those moments I knew that every hour made a difference but I also knew that realistically we were in an unbelievably precarious position. There was a cloud of nervous anticipation so very thick in that labor and delivery room that week- it was veiled by hope and positivity but was honestly heavy and exhausting for everyone.  

I thank god every day that Virginia and I had the strength to make it those "extra" days, but always wish it could have lasted longer.  always.  

That pain is part of her story and those 5 extra days are part of the celebration.  So we celebrate.  We also hug a little tighter these days, sing a little louder, and laugh a whole lot more.  I wish that 3 years ago I could have known how joyous these 5 days of celebrating would be.  

Virginia's first friends - October 2011 Yale NICU babies

\

night nurse Amy and those famous NICU doors

 We also celebrated by buying a new house ;) 

perception and memories

We are in the throes of potty training.  It is a delicate balance teetering toward a power struggle with my very feisty and stubborn girl.  The tactic changes almost daily.  There are stickers, praise, bribery, and yes sometimes ultimatums.  One day last week as I was trying to get Virginia to focus on going number two, I agreed to play music for her on my iphone while she sat on the potty.  Pharell's 'Happy' didnt get it done, neither did Katy Perry's 'California Girl.'  The next song up was Phillip Phillip's 'home' which is our anthem of sorts, mostly because we have made several slideshows to that song.  She immediately recognized the song and had a big smile on her face.  Then she kept repeating a long phrase which initially I couldn't make out.  After her expression became more serious I finally realized that she recognized the song as the one that is set to her slideshow.  What she remembered though was "baby getting boo boo fixed at doctor."  Mind you these are never words we have used while watching that video with her.  The few times we have watched it we have always told her that the tiny baby in the pictures was her, that she was very small and sick, and that we loved her.

Clearly those images and that song stuck with her, but not in the same way that it has stuck with Heath and I.  She clearly knows that the baby in the photos in the first half of that video was sick but she has no idea that it was her.  She also clearly does not remember the 2nd half of the video where she is able to recognize more recent photos of herself.

It is a huge relief to me that at nearly 3 years old her memory is only that of sympathy and concern for the baby in the video.  That she does not consciously or subconsciously remember anything from that time.  We will always be open with her and we hope that she only ever looks at those photos and feels powerful for how far she has come and thankful for the medical care and prayers that saved her.   I know those photos will always foster mixed emotions for Heath and I, but also believe that the same photos will empower her to be the mightiest and best person that she can be.

The same goes for this blog.  I have always been cognizant that one day Virginia may read her story here.  It has been a fine line to straddle and the older she gets the more aware I am of how she may feel about her story being 'out there.'  I can only hope that she views these words in the same way that she views those earliest photos.  I can only hope that she is proud of how resilient and blessed she is.  I can only hope that she continues to do amazing things and changes peoples lives for the better.

And....She never pooped on the potty that afternoon.

tiny toes - big climb

These itty bitty little toes ....  small enough to fit through our wedding rings but big enough to recognize that she inherited my strange toe genes.  

Those little feet have never stopped moving.  

Virginia was breech and VERY low so every kick felt like she was escaping.  

At birth she did not cry and she had no drive to breathe yet she was kicking. 

She has been trying to climb out of her crib since the moment that she could pull to stand back in December. 

And now she can officially climb up her highchair (yikes!).

She will move boxes to climb to get something out of reach.

She can climb onto the couch.

She tries to climb the baby gates.

If given the opportunity she can climb in and out of the tub (double yikes!)

We are totally in for it.....

Birthdays

These days are special days in our family.  Yesterday was Heath's birthday (it was the big 3-0!) as well as his sister Kim's birthday, today is my grandmother Virginia's birthday and uncle Mike's birthday (happy birthday Uncle Mike!) , and tomorrow is my Pop Pop's birthday.  

Big Virginia would have been 98 today and Pop Pop Justin would have been 100 tomorrow.

Grandma Virginia & Pop Pop Justin

2 years ago today is also the day that I knew I was pregnant.  I was scared out of my mind and it took me another day to work up the courage to confirm it with a pregnancy test.  I'm not sure it even occurred to me that day that it was also Grandma Virginia's birthday, mostly because I was stressing over the 2 glasses of wine that I had at Heath's birthday dinner the night before. 

I had such a special bond with both of my Grandmothers and have such wonderful memories with them.  I prayed to St. Gerard (the patron saint of expectant mothers) and to Grandma Jean (my Moms Mom) and Grandma Virginia (my Dad's Mom) every. single . day . that I was on bedrest.  I knew that they would have been so worried and had they been alive would have worn out their rosary beads during those months we spent at Yale New Haven Hospital.  During the last desperate days of bedrest when my new goal was to make it to another shift and another day I prayed and prayed and prayed that I could make it to Grandma Jean's birthday.  I thought for sure that if I found out I was pregnant on Grandma Virginia's birthday that I certainly could make it to Grandma Jean's birthday to give birth.   We came up a few days short but in the end the spirit of these wonderful women gave me strength.  

Happy birthday Big Virginia! 

Im certainly thinking of you often as the cicadas are about to return ;)

You made the best grilled ham and cheese that I have ever had.
I can still smell the wintergreen gum wafting from your pantry.

I can still feel your warm soft hands and the gentle squeeze that you would give my hands when we talked.  

I can still see your mischievous smile as you would pull us into the water during "adult swim" at Greenbelt Pool.

I can still hear the the whistle of your teapot - announcing that it was ready. 

I can still taste that southern fried chicken and fries.  I know most of the Klems talk about your spaghetti but your Fried Chicken was the best ;)

I think of you every single day when I look at my little Virginia.  We are honored for our little warrior to have your big strong name.  I promise she will live it well... she already has.  

our little Virginia with Big Virginia's treasured charm bracelet

18 months

Virginia is 18 months old today!  

Ill get her height and weight on Friday at her appointment but I think she is about 30" long and weighs around 20.5 pounds. 

She is still reluctantly taking steps.  True walking is still a little ways off.  

Despite her reluctance to be on 2 feet, she is a total daredevil when it comes to climbing.  

She is still a great eater and will usually eat anything we put in front of her.  This weekend that included sirachi rice one day and an everything bagel another day.  crazy girl!

She has a few words including: dog, dada, hello, up, and uh-oh and knows a few signs as well.

She is super lovable.  I live for our morning snuggles and her sweet kisses.  

She is testing us all the time and is definitely a rule-breaker.  Virginia has always been this way and we know this is partly what kept her alive.  We are embracing it and know that she will do great things with that fire inside of her.  

The further we get in this journey the more I am learning about healing, parenting and living.  

I am learning that the whole "catch up by 2" thing is so bogus.  This deserves a whole separate post which I know many other bloggers have covered as well.  I think it is sorta like writing your birth story, as coming to terms with there being absolutely nothing magical about age 2 is part of the healing process

I am learning that there is not an expiration date on anxiety.  I thought nothing of going for my post-op appointment at my OB's office this morning until I got there and just felt a wave of uneasiness.  After I left I realized I hadn't been to that particular office since 2 weeks after Virginia's birth.

I am learning that all the challenges of parenting a preemie become more and more unique as time goes on.  There are certainly threads that bind us all as parents of preemies, but these journeys are all so different.  

I am learning with each day there is greater joy, more love, bigger challenges, louder whining and of course many more laughs! 

Topper

I've written before about Giraffes being our special little thing for Virginia.

It  all started with Virginia's high tech isolette, her home for over 2.5 months, which was called the giraffe bed.  Then there were the uncanny amount of baby cards that we received that had giraffes on them.  But the real connection came from the 4.5 foot giraffes that were always in the hospital gift shop.  Heath and I often took a break from the NICU in the evenings to go down to the gift shop for a rice krispie treat and a pack of cherry life savers.  It was our routine and each night the giraffes peered over us as we picked out our snacks.  After a few weeks we noticed that people actually purchased these enormous stuffed animals.  We were incredulous that people actually purchased them and carried these laughably large stuffed giraffes through the hospital to greet a patient or newborn baby.  We decided that we HAD to have one.  One day, someday, on discharge day we would walk out of Yale New Haven Hospital with Virginia and the 4.5 foot giraffe in tow.  It didn't exactly happen that way and Santa actually delivered an identical one to our house (wink wink; Amazon had them on sale), but from then on giraffes became our thing.

We started to get lots of giraffe gifts for us and Virginia.  They are all very special to us.  We now have many stuffed giraffes and figurines, a giraffe photo frame, giraffe outfits, a giraffe hair clip,  a giraffe bank, a giraffe tapestry (from Africa!), and even a beautiful giraffe wine stopper (we needed it!).

The most special giraffe of all is a small beanie baby  from my Aunt Karen.  Initially it looked like another cute addition to the shelf of small giraffes that we had acquired, but then I curiously opened the tag.  I knew from my beanie baby collecting days of the early 1990s that all beanie babies come with a name and a birthdate, which can be found inside the small tag attached to their ear.  This one was named Topper, cute!  Then I scanned down to look at the birthdate and instantly got goosebumps.  May 28, 2007... what would have been my Grandmother and our little Virginia's namesake, Virginia Klem's 92nd birthday (her first after her passing on November 28th 2006).  Ironically I also found out I was pregnant with our little Virginia on May 28, 2011.
I can feel big Virginia smiling every time I arrange Topper just so on the shelf beside Virginia's crib.

spring fever

The holidays are past us, yet spring still seems so far away.  We were at the pediatrician today for Virginia's 15 month appointment. They said that they think the worst of this year's rough rsv/flu season has peaked but is no where near over :(  We sure are ready for it to be over!

Spring seems far away much in the way that at this time last year Virginia's discharge seemed so far away.  The light at the end of the tunnel is awfully dim.  I'll quit complaining now and instead make a bucket list of things to look forward to.

Post RSV season bucket list:

Take the metro north to nyc for the day

Go to the children's museum

Go to the aquarium

Let Ginny sit in the grocery cart!

Let Ginny sit in the grocery cart at Stew Leonards!!!

Go to the library

Enroll Virginia in a music or swim class

Go out to brunch

Go to church as a family again

Go to Target

Go to Chips for pancakes

Let Virginia explore the toy store

Host a playdate with all of our baby friends

Virginia is planning her escape!

Ginny was 19lbs 4oz and 29 inches long at her appointment.  This puts her at around the 5th percentile for 15 months old!  At least she is now on the charts!   Her head is at the 50th percentile!  Can't deny that she is a Kent!

15 months old

Virginia is 15 months old today.   I have no idea when toddlerhood starts for preemies or full term babies for that matter, but she seems to be on the cusp.  

She is growing physically, intellectually and emotionally and is full of sass.  

She is a creature of routine and a lover of making a mess for the sake of making a mess.  

She has tantrums and giggle spells within minutes of each other.  

She crawls everywhere, climbs on everything, and cruises along furniture but seems no where near ready to be standing independently or walking.  She has proven me wrong time and time again though :)

She weighs around 19.5 pounds and has grown out of every pair of 6-12 month pants.  

life in the grey zone

We are in the midst of cold, flu and RSV season and one of the most challenging things for us has been navigating the grey zone that we seem to fall in.  Last year Virginia came home towards the end of the season and we were obviously SUPER cautious and extra vigilant with sanitizing, hand washing, limiting visitors and until early May we only left the house for doctor appointments.  This year she is much bigger and stronger, doesn't qualify for synagis, and has been off oxygen and diuretics for nearly a year.  No one has given us specific instructions for this cold & flu season, as we seem to fall in that grey zone where "better safe than sorry" is said more than "don't even think about it."

Virginia still has never been in a grocery cart, has never touched a community bin of toys, has never been passed around at a large family function, has never had full freedom to play with her young cousins and has never visited the local aquarium, children's museum or zoo.  These are all things that are off-limits for us this winter but it is the other things, the less risky things that we struggle with as we sit in the grey zone of a former micro preemie.   We struggled with whether to travel to Maryland for the holidays.  We were careful to constantly be sanitizing and asking others to wash their hands, but it was risky to  be around so many people.  A risk that left my stomach in a pit as the holidays wrapped up.  I started to second guess our decision as I heard of RSV and flu outbreaks and as we learned of babies that we know being admitted to the hospital for RSV.  There was no taking back our decision and thankfully Virginia remained healthy, but it was a risk.

We take other risks too.  I occasionally take Virginia out for lunch, we occasionally go to small gatherings (after ensuring that everyone is healthy), and we occasionally host a playdate (again after ensuring everyone is healthy).  None of these decisions are taken lightly and I do often wonder if it would be easier to be in super lockdown than navigating this grey zone.  I doubt it....

By anyone standards Virginia appears to be a very healthy and active baby emerging into toddlerhood.  What we do know though is less than a year ago her lungs were in poor condition.  Some people use the example of trees. A full term baby's lungs are like a big oak tree in full summer bloom while a a preemie's lungs are like that same oak in late fall, not nearly as full of the important healthy bronchioles that help babies breath through a respiratory infection.

What I know is that we are following our gut, we are doing what we feel is best for our family, and we are reserving our right to make decisions and change them at any given moment for any reason.  This stuff is hard, as many things in parenting seem to be.  I'm not wishing these winter days away but I sure will be glad to see spring arrive and we already have a bucket list of things that I can't wait to do with Virginia outside the confines of our little house.

routine

The hustle of the holidays were a welcome distraction to our cabin fever quiet days at home but I think we are all glad to get back to our routine.  Virginia's morning routine started a bit early this morning so we quietly rocked and napped together for an extra half hour or so while the sun rose.  It was the most perfect morning of quietness, warmth, and snuggles until she woke up and realized that there was a whole clean room of picked up toys and vacuumed floors to destroy  explore :)

She treated me to the biggest smile and giggle right before I left for work

A Virginia Update

I haven't been doing monthly updates since Virginia's first birthday but now seems to be a good time to do one!

Virginia had an explosion of developmental milestones right after her birthday.  She now, crawls, climbs, stands (but doesnt yet get to her feet on her own) and transitions really nicely from sitting to laying down, to crawling, to her knees, etc.  It seems like everything happened at once but it was the very welcome and celebrated culmination of alot of hard work for her.

Ginny has grown to be a rockstar eater.  Who would have EVER guessed?!  Anyone that knew her in the hospital is positively shocked by this.  While we still watch for other sensory issues, it has become pretty clear that eating will not be the struggle that we thought it would be.  She exclusively eats finger foods, with an occasional yogurt, applesauce or other food off the spoon.  She is also almost entirely transitioned to cows milk and sippy cups.  She still gets a nighttime bottle so we are sure that she has a full belly before bed and to be sure that she is staying sufficiently hydrated.

We thought Virginia was showing signs of some food allergies.  She had pretty bad facial redness and a little swelling after eatting potatoes and eggplant.  Surprisingly enough she tested clear for all food allergies last week!  The doctor said that her sensitive skin must have reacted topically but not to be concerned.  Another specialist to cross of our list.   Virginia has now been discharged from allergy, cardiology, and retinology.  She is still followed by opthamology, nephrology, and Occupational Therapy/ Physical therapy. The list of specialists and therapists always seems to ebb and flow but we are very happy to be trimming the list for the time being.

Ginny did have a nephrology appointment earlier this week.  I think we (us and her doctors) went in the appointment hoping that she would be discharged from that specialty too, but that was not the case.  They were very pleased with her weight gain and general development in the 8 months since they have seen her.    Unfortunately they were not as impressed with her kidneys.  Her nephrocalcinosis (kidney stones) have resolved on her left side, but have not resolved on the right.  More troubling is that they seem to be migrating downward and they are quite large.  She also has a bit of hydronephrosis (swelling of the kidney) and some slightly abnormal function based on her blood and urine cultures.  We are still awaiting a few more tests before a new treatment plan is decided on, but it will likely be a wait and watch approach for a few more months.

Ginny now:
weighs 18lbs 12oz
fits mostly in 6-12 month clothes but things are starting to look a little short
Is probably ready to have a real big girl bath since she climbs out of the inflatable froggy tub over and over during bath time.
loves to play in front of the mirror
follows me into the kitchen every.single.time. I go in there
is SO ticklish
eats EVERYTHING off of the floor.  I could vacuum all.day.long. and she would still find things to put into her mouth.  This is bad bad bad for a mama that is already anxious about cold/flu season.

Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus

Santa visited the Kent house on Sunday to meet Virginia.  She was a bit apprehensive at first but enjoyed his visit.  She told Santa that all she wants for christmas is her 2 front teeth, which we suspect are on their way in.  

V liked her birthday video :)

1 year!

by the numbers:
1 year
12 months
52 weeks
366 days (leap year)
124 days in the NBSCU
7 weeks on a ventilator
7 weeks working on bottle feeding
8 months at home
16 pounds and 2 ounces gained
15.5" longer
2 little teeth
endless amount of smiles and thousands of I love yous.

At 1 year Virginia:
*Weighs 17lbs 9 oz
*Is 28 inches long
*Is teething.  Her 2 bottom teeth have popped through.
*Is working on crawling.  She gets from point a to point b by a combination of reaching, rolling, scooting and twirling... she seems close to finding a more efficient way of getting around.
*Tries to pull up.
*LOVES feeding herself.  Her newest favorite foods are cheese, meatballs, kiwi, pancakes, baby carrots & squash
*babbles all.day.long.
*Is so happy and giggly

We had a great day yesterday and celebrated her birthday by doing some of our favorite things!

We went to crumbs to get birthday cupcakes!

Virginia played in the leaves :)

She dug into her cupcake!

Ginny posed with her giraffe

And last night we drove up to New Haven to deliver lots of books for the babies, cupcakes for the nurses and to see Ginny's nighttime primary nurse Amy.  Amy and our other primaries cared for Virginia with so much knowledge, skill and love; something that we are forever grateful for.  Their skilled hands, warm hearts, and gentle presence healed all of us during those 4 months.  

peace

As the days are waning in Virginia's first year I feel calmer and more resolved than ever before.  I feel much the way I did in those final days before her birth.  My heart knows that everything is going to be ok.  Do I still have fears about the future? Of course I do.  But I know we will be ok.

In the days leading up to Virginia's birth I had one ugly cry.  The sun had not yet risen, but I was awake and alone in my room.  I was overwhelmed and knew that the only way I could make it through the next day was to let out a good cry.  I cried hard enough to cover my pillow, long enough to see the sun rise and deep enough to give myself resolve.  I put myself at peace that morning and knew we would be ok.  It took weeks  to cry again.

I cried for the first time in a long time last night as I nursed and rocked Virginia to sleep.  It wasn't tears of fear and it wasn't long and it wasn't  hard but it was deep.  Deep enough to remind myself to enjoy these days and to enjoy these moments. It is cliche, but they grow and change so fast.  As I rocked her I made a point to remember how heavy she felt, how her legs dangled well past my lap and over the arm of the chair, and how her tuft of hair puffed and swirled just so down onto her forehead.  It was only 11 months ago that I held Virginia for the first time.  I  can still feel where her head rested below my collar bone and her toes stretched to just a few inches above my belly button.  I can still feel her little arms, smaller than my fingers, as they would tuck under her chest.  I hope in the coming months and years I can take the time every so often to find that peace, to remind myself that we will be ok, and to remember just how she looks at that moment.  Photos and words are only the next best thing to memories.  

March 2012 - somewhere between that tiny baby that I first held 11 months ago and the big baby that didn't even fit on my lap last night.  

Teething is Tough

Dear little toofies,

Please finish breaking through and give me back my smiley, happy, always.sleeps.through.the.night. baby girl.  I can't wait to see how cute you make her little smile.

much love,

Momma

Party Time

Lots of Birthday Party photos below.  Virginia had a wonderful 1st birthday party and as you will see very clearly enjoyed her first taste of sweets.  She attacked the cake before we could even light the candle.

  Many thanks to all of you that celebrated with us on Saturday and even more thanks to all of you that have prayed and celebrated with us every step of the way for the past year.  

Special pumpkins for our special pumpkin. 

Many thanks to Auntie Colleen for taking so many photographs at the party!

Virginia with all of her cousins.

From XXS preemie to 12 months clothes.  

The bear cake- a very special Kent Family tradition!  Thanks Nino and Aunt Nichole :)

On her new chair from Papa

We have over 60 books with special messages to deliver to the NBSCU on Virginia's birthday.

Lots of Babies!!!